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Web Content Writing for Yack.com Summer, 1999 Author's Note: Working on contract for Yack.com in San Francisco, I was asked to write short descriptive content to accompany NFL football schedules. Now, I didn't and still don't know diddly about professional sports. At the desk right next to me, inaccessible through his Walkman headphones, sat a guy with an encyclopedic knowledge of football, all the players and the teams. Yack had him writing about music and film, two subjects I know a lot more about. The editors were well aware of this. True to my pledge that "I can write anything," I plunged ahead flying totally blind. The result has to be some of the finest b.s. ever to hit the web. Apparently the editors were pleased. Next they had me take on baseball. -RSM
NY The Jets are lined at the self-serve cafeteria salivating with eager anticipation of cheese sandwiches for the whole gang. Conversely, Green Bay fans are a little confused. "When the song said `Feed your head,' we took it to mean we should feed the needy with our cheese heads."
Denver Don't look now, Doctor Thompson, but the Cheeseheads have replaced the Screwheads as your greatest foe!
New Orleans Down on Bourbon Street, Mistress Rochembeau's going to make voodoo gumbo to feed the visiting Cheeseheads and make them all root for the Saints.
Miami Foamation brand Cheesehead products now available for your mega-zealous Green Bay fans at houseofwisconsincheese.com! Oh, yes. It's true. Get 'em while they're, um.. before they spoil! And speaking of buying up domain names for fun and profit, it's a good thing those folks at House of Wisconsin grabbed up that name before any one else. It's a doozy!
Oakland A Raiders fan with a good sense of irony might do well to pick himself up a Foamation brand Cheesehead helmut and wear it to this game with a pair of dark sunglasses and of course two daggers crossed and duct taped to the back of his head. Stealing the other guy's icon and altering it is a sure-fire way to get his goat. There are few better forms of revenge.
Detroit Based on a knowledge of Detroit gleaned from one viewing of the film "True Romance" starring Patricia Arquette, we here at Yack.com would like to recommend the cheese brick for those Lions fans wishing to purchase a Cheesehead product appropriate for throwing at Packers' fans. Get your Cheesehead brick today for just $17.95 at houseofwisconsincheese.com!
Minnesota Someone should buy Jesse Ventura a Cheesehead gear "cheese tie" (no joke, they do make them!) to wear to this game. Not just to wear, mind you, but to wear just long enough to confuse everyone, at which point he should eat it.
San Diego California cheese makers have this major campaign going. Every great event in California's history happened because of the cheese. Or so they'll lead us to be. If Green Bay wins this one, it may well be because of the cheese. Wisconsin cheese, however.
Seattle "Seahawk Eats Cheesehead, Dies. Autopsy results reveal overdose of contradictory team spirit."
Chicago Cheeseheads better stow their cheese around these hungry Bears. A bear can sniff out a cheese beer coozie from miles away.
Dallas For our Dallas fans wishing to purchase their very own piece of Green Bay nostalgia, houseofwisconsincheese.com offers a very stylish, J.R. Ewing-esque cowboy hat for the low, low price of just $27.95! Yes you too can be the disdain of all your fellow Texans with this fine hat. J.R. was pretty much the most despicable man on TV's "Dallas," and look at how rich he was!
San Francisco From Green Bay to the Golden Gate, it's cheese balls and football for all. The Cheesehead Gear item most popular in San Francisco these days is the "Fling!" What is it? Who knows, but it has a nice ring.
Carolina Bad kitty! Too many losses last year. We're giving all the milk to Guido who will whip it into cheddar and sell it to the Cheeseheads as little panther-shaped cheesicles to gnaw on during the game.
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